Eating meals these days is starting to seem so passé. Who are these people who drink beer and eat cheeseburgers when cold pressed juice shops are everywhere and now we’ve even taken it to the next step where there are soup cleanses to resort to as well.
I admit I’m completely guilty of drinking my food over actually eating it and I find my kitchen is overflowing with mason jars. I crave green juices on a cellular level, I’ve abandoned simple carbs and alcohol – also known as everything I’ve ever enjoyed in my entire life.
In reality, this is formerly known as something called… an eating disorder. What is happening to society and why are we so obsessed with eating obscenely healthy that we deny ourselves one of the most pleasurable things humanly possible.
I’ve done many cleanses; in my mind they are mixed blessings. On the one hand, I detoxified, I purified, I lost weight. On the other hand, I fell asleep on the highway, fantasized about eating paper and then promptly fell off the wagon into a shameful binge with a party size cheese fondue for one, any and all carbs I can get my hands on and wine – lots of wine.
This revolution has been going on for a few years now and there seems to be no end in sight so if this is where the future is in fact headed here are some useful tips.
#1 Juice cleanses are good but there really is no need to completely stop eating solids, even the most seasoned cleanser will crave chewing and I’m sorry but ice chips, are you f*cking kidding me?? When you’re feeling desperate to eat something, try skipping a juice and going for a quinoa salad or something as equally healthy.
#2 If you’re trying to lose weight, think about what’s in those juices. The ones with fruits and beets have tons of sugars in them and the ones that contain Nut Milk are full of calories.
#3 Get the juice that morning. They say they are fine for 3 days however they are best for you in the first 20 minutes and diminish from there so if you’re going to get the most out of it do you’re best to get them as fresh as possible.
#4 Don’t drive or operate any thing that requires your full attention if your on a master cleanse – personally I think it’s just plain dumb.
#5 Drink LOTS of water.
#6 Don’t do it just before a big event when you’ll be drinking – things will go sideways. I PROMISE.
MY FAVOuRITE PLACES TO OBTAIN THESE FORMS OF LIQUID NUTRIENTS IN VANCOUVER ARE:
The Juice Truck – 28 W 5th Ave, Vancouver
Krokodile Pear – 518 Davie St, Vancouver
The Juice Box – 1114 E. Pender Street, Vancouver
The Juicery Co – 3570 W 4th Ave, Vancouver
254 East 1st, North Vancouver
3130 Highland Blvd, North Vancouver
Kits Kitchen – The 48hr Soup Reset