Meet Citizen Femme’s new resident Travel Agony Aunt, comedian Catherine Bohart.
Each month Bohart will be answering readers’ travel-related dilemmas, from the pressing to the petty. Send your submissions to [email protected].
Q: My partner and I don’t always travel well together – we often argue over timings and the general pace of our trips (I like city trips, he’s more about the beach). How can we learn to compromise?
Holiday apart. What are you taking holidays from if not the monotony of your coupledom? How are you supposed to cheat if you don’t take open goals? Who is feeding the cat while you’re both away anyway?
If none of the above sound appealing because you’re in a ‘committed relationship’, firstly, boring. Secondly, you know there are plenty of cities on beaches right? Do you know why cities came into existence? Trade. You know what makes trading easier? Boats. You know where you find lots of boats? You get the point.
Miami, Barcelona, Sydney, Nice, Galway. There you go. Bon voyage.
Still, it would be remiss if I didn’t say, please consider whether you want to spend the rest of your life with a man who makes such culturally exciting choices as ‘holidaying on a beach’. The only unique thing to do on a beach is look at mostly naked people. I’m not saying that’s not fun, but maybe don’t build your whole personality around it and certainly, do not trust this man! You could do the same thing in most English cities on an unseasonably warm June day. You sound way more fun to go on holiday with, and you should absolutely embrace that. Keep the nudity to the art galleries. The wine is better chilled when served in piazzas. Leave this guy for sure.
Q: I’m a chronic overpacker, can you help me cure my bad packing habits?
Yes, because I’m going to tell you some things that I need you to believe to be true.
Sandals and Converse. That’s it. There is not an outfit you could wear on a holiday that will not be okay with either of these. You can also bring trainers if you’re an exercise person or one pair of heels if you hate yourself.
You are a grown-up who can always find a bathroom on time. You do not need ‘spare underwear’. I believe in you. Make a list, based on what you will be doing and stop assuming you’ll shit yourself. Imodium (other brands are also available) takes up less space than 45 pairs of spare pants for a long weekend.
They have water wherever you’re going. People do laundry there all the time. If you do in fact need spare underwear, or haven’t got enough confidence you won’t spill coffee on everything, you can wash them there.
If you are going on a city break or an active holiday, you are never going to read that book. Fine, take one book. But seriously, you can read on the tube, enjoy where you are, look up, go find some gelato, nerd! I mean it, stop carrying books thousands of miles as penance for not reading enough. If I’m wrong, pop on an audio book. And next time, holiday with friends with better chat.
Also, if you put extra clothes into a pillowcase which you take on the flight, people assume it’s a pillow for the flight and not that you have a problem. Or, so I’ve heard…
Image of Catherine: Jiksaw.
Feature image: Illustration © Alexandra Wong.
Any Questions or Tips to add?