Struggling with burnout or feeling like your career goals are lacking in direction? CF’s fashion director Ella Alexander never thought she ‘needed’ coaching, but her recent experience at a leading life coaching retreat has totally changed her outlook. Here’s why she thinks every woman would benefit.
I have never been 100 per cent convinced by the idea of life coaching. There was something about it that felt a little opaque to me. I’ve always been an appreciative paying fan of therapy, but life coaching, no. Surely what we need in moments of doubt and uncertainty in our lives is a real talk session with our best friends to add perspective, not to fork out on a professional that doesn’t know us. And yet, when I was invited to experience a taste of Santalan’s life coaching retreat, something made me say yes.
As a self-employed working mother, juggling numerous clients and projects, the idea of 24 hours away sounded very appealing. Last year was a big one for me, encompassing funerals, my wedding, a house move, a book launch and a new job. I was grateful for all the good, but also burnt out and anxious about my next steps professionally. January almost felt like a comedown. Like most of us, there never seems to be any time to reflect on past achievements or what’s wanted from the future. Instead, angst would creep in before bed, leaving me wired and awake. All of this is to say that the idea of a concentrated retreat designed to nourish sounded blissful.
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Ella and her group at the Santalan coaching retreat
Held at the beautiful Wilderness Reserve in Suffolk, a grand country estate surrounded by bucolic grounds, Santalan’s retreats are designed for women only. Its founder Dalbir Bains, formerly of fashion brand Aligne, wanted to create a space for women to feel supported and empowered by each other – and it’s a concept that really works. There were six of us altogether, all working in fashion but in different mediums; a mix of writers, designers and entrepreneurs. The nature of life coaching means vulnerability is essential, and we got to know each other very quickly. Within half an hour of our first group session, there were tears. As women, we rarely afford ourselves the kindness of introspection – we write it off as indulgent – so when we do take the time to think about how fulfilled or happy we are, sometimes it results in big emotions.
We each filled in a Life-Balance wheel – a circle broken into 10 key sections: relationships, creativity/learning, finances, career, mental wellbeing, physical wellbeing, home/environment, hobbies/recreation, personal brand and abundance – which looked at where you wanted to be in those areas, and where you felt you were in them currently: reality vs desire. The segments that revealed the biggest disparities shone a light on the areas of life that might need work. The exercise was an exploration of the totality of our lives, something we rarely see as a whole. We talked about our wheels, and – while many of our concerns were individual – there were also shared worries. I found it comforting that nearly everyone in my group of fashion professionals was as spooked by the concept of ‘personal brand’ as I was. It’s a subject that comes up a lot on Santalan retreats, which is why they offer a professional makeup and photography session to use for professional headshots.
We each had a session with a nutritionist called Amy Cottrell, who listened as I talked about how hard it was to create wholesome meals for my toddler and myself when I was so rarely at home during the day. Her advice was practical and useful – she didn’t tell me to batch cook on a Sunday or anything equally obvious, instead talking about the importance of certain vitamins that would boost my energy levels, and sharing easy recipes that would deliver them in spades. We talked about slow cookers, and how a good source of iron could be life changing. Her advice was based around making life easier, rather than more complicated.
Next came the session with Bains herself, a wildly accomplished entrepreneur. She got the measure of me very quickly, and, within 20 minutes had me questioning why I find it so impossible to take stock of successes and why I always feel so restless. It didn’t change me from the core, but it did feel empowering and galvanising. Her observations made me feel quite emotional as she clocked behavioural patterns I hadn’t clocked in myself. It’s a hideous cliche, but often we are the obstacle that stands in our way. Like Cottrell, she was full of practical advice as well as the more figurative. My initial worry about the value of someone who doesn’t know you well weighing in on your life was dispelled – Bains’ objectivity was a strength, and strangely clarifying.
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The reflection and introspection was infused by carefully considered, restorative activities – champagne by a roaring fire under the stars; a three course meal made by a local chef; and a morning yoga and meditation session that left all of us feeling energised and serene. It was the perfect mix of soul searching and cocooning. I was only with the five other women less than 24 hours but, by the end of our stay, we all felt like we’d known each other years. There was such warmth, openness and kindness.
I arrived back to London feeling energised and ready for action. What the coaching retreat gave me was space – room to think holistically about the world I have created, what I love about it and what I want to change. It was also a sounding board to bounce ideas off of women who really know their stuff, and who want you to be the most fulfilled version of yourself. If I could have claimed squatter’s rights and stayed on with the Santalan team all week, I would have. It was the perfect winter medicine – and it’s my opinion that the best medicine is served by a fire with women that want you to soar.
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