From Demi Moore’s Oscar-nominated turn in The Substance to Millie Bobby Brown’s passionate response to journalists obsessed with how she is growing up in the public eye, the conversation around ageing has never felt more on a knife edge. So, how do we go about talking about it successfully?
Ageing is one of the most natural processes in the world (it happens to everyone and it’s a privilege to grow old, after all). But – for women especially – it has often felt like a taboo subject, and one that’s so entrenched in our society. In fact, I can clearly recall being told as a child that you mustn’t ever ask a woman their age. It’s only as an adult that I realise that I never even questioned why (or why men weren’t included in the warning).
Over the past decade, there have been some changes for the better. Conversations around menopause – a life stage half the world’s population will experience – are finally more openly discussed which helps women get the advice they need, and it isn’t just sexy twenty-somethings gracing our adverts or television screens anymore (although the young certainly still hold a lot of allure in marketing).
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However, just as you get comfortable thinking that we are making giant strides forward – someone’s wrinkles (or lack of them) come back under the social microscope. And, women still get most of the negative heat when it comes to ageing.
Case in point: actress Millie Bobby Brown’s recent outcry against the constant criticism she’s faced about not ‘acting her age’ and ‘looking too old’, while also struggling through being sexualised since she was a young teen. Equally, how often have we heard or read that to try to stop the signs of ageing is to be ‘vain’ or to risk looking ‘overdone’, while hiding any cosmetic work you might have is both the ‘norm’ and villainised with ‘have they, haven’t they’ guessing games?
At the same time, to turn against the social norm of chasing agelessness is to actively rebel, so even ‘not caring’ becomes some big headline-grabbing statement. Consider Pamela Anderson’s first makeup-free red carpet appearance in 2023 as the perfect example. It’s the ultimate catch-22 for women. Ageing is inevitable, but so, it seems, is commentary around it.
Demi Moore’s Oscar-nominated turn in The Substance is the latest film to enter this storm of a discussion. Directed by Coralie Fargeat, the 2024 movie presents a dystopian procedure where women can literally split themselves in two: one version young and radiant, the other left to basically decay. It sounds chilling, but what is perhaps most unsettling is that female ageing has already been treated like a career-ending disease in Hollywood for decades, something to be battled with every serum, laser, and knife available, whatever the consequences.
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So while the film is rightly praised for shining a light on the complex relationship women have with their appearance (and the extreme pressures they face to maintain it), ultimately the narrative exposes another fundamental truth: we’ve known this fact for generations, it is nothing new, and yet little has changed.
“Appearance and beauty are still very important in society for sure, but there’s a huge conflict in women nowadays, demonstrated in how they interact with the beauty and aesthetics industry, as well as films like The Substance,” notes leading aesthetic doctor Dr Barbara Kubicka. “I tend to see four distinct groups of women: those who have built their careers on beauty, so ageing feels devastating because it is a part of their identity; the younger generation who are very influenced by social media (and the inaccurate picture it often portrays); working professionals who associate looking their best with prolonged personal achievement or just wanting to feel like their ‘best selves’; and the final group who vocally rally against the industry, but might also have the most internal conflict about what it means to age.”
What unites every group is a struggle to address or communicate how these feelings conflict or are reconfirmed by the society we find ourselves in. After all, every which way you turn, the discourse on ageing loops back on itself. It’s celebrated, shamed, spoken about in hushed tones, and given hundreds and hundreds of column inches – all within the same day. It’s exhausting and a little bizarre because it feels like no one can actually get it right – whatever side of the ageing debate they come down on.
As a beauty director, I am painfully aware that I am part of this dialogue: seeing both the joy-inspiring and confidence-affecting sides of the ageing narrative in equal measure. Beyond even being a journalist, I’ve definitely looked at someone with amazing skin and wondered what – if anything – they have had done tweakments-wise (or wanted to ask them for their skincare routine). I have certainly recommended more than my fair share of moisturisers for fine lines and wrinkles too.
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It’s not that the beauty industry hasn’t tried to make some changes. I can still remember back in 2017 when renowned American beauty magazine Allure banned the term ‘anti-ageing’ and terms such as ‘rejuvenation’ ‘prevention’ and ‘pro-ageing’ attempted to become the industry’s new golden terms. I could see the idea behind the move, but eight years later, ‘anti-ageing’ has certainly not been disregarded on a global scale – in fact, the market for products for wrinkles, hyperpigmentation, and dryness (key goals around skin ageing) has grown exponentially in that time.
Ultimately, that doesn’t have to be a bad thing: a lot of people want guidance on beauty products and tweakments – and we deserve to get that advice if we want it without judgement or secrecy, celebrities included. (Sometimes having an easy to use word like ‘anti-ageing’ makes the process of finding what you are looking for easier too, empowering the customer).
However, if all we have done to address the perceived negativity around ageing is to adapt our language, rather than our behaviour, then anti-ageing almost becomes another taboo alongside ageing – amplifying the divide within our conversations on the topic.
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Consider even the term ‘longevity’, which is perhaps becoming 2025’s anti-ageing synonym of choice, considering it too aims to ‘turn back the clock’. This unisex rebrand has a modern, forward-looking feel that doesn’t single women’s ageing out – and that’s good on the face of it (and is a trend I can definitely get behind for progressing our approach to overall wellbeing). Yet, if you look a little closer, you realise that men, like multi-millionaire Bryan Johnson, are now the main poster boys of the more positive longevity movement, male or unisex health is getting almost all the investment, and women still face the overwhelming societal pressure when it comes to physical ageing in day-to-day life.
It should go without saying (but I’ll say it anyway) that how we talk about ageing, especially in the public eye, is ultimately about having respect and compassion. We should celebrate great work and great products when the person who has used them chooses to disclose that, but also recognise, even in the heat of the discussion, that how we look is personal, so one collective opinion on ageing is never going to work.
I certainly don’t believe that we should be ‘anti’ a completely natural process, but the individuality of feeling comfortable in your own skin (and what helps you get there) should, in my opinion, be celebrated. And talking about it – in all its complexity, is about open, mutual discussion and allowing women to make their own choices.
“Beauty should never be about just chasing your youth,” Dr Kubicka concludes. “It’s about looking your best as defined by you. Most importantly, remember you are the boss of your own face – whatever that looks like.”
Keep that in mind and hopefully you can finally step off the ageing roundabout of discussion – alongside all of us – once and for all.
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