I still remember the moment I heard the familiar announcements of the flight departures overhead, blending into the low murmur of voices, as I stood there alone – hands free, no tugging at my clothes, no cries for snacks, no sudden sprints toward duty-free stores.
The hum of multiple conversations faded into a travel soundtrack, and yet, right under it all, an ache. Not excitement. Not even panic. It was guilt. The slow, insidious kind that settles in your chest, right under your ribs. For so many working mums, that guilt doesn’t begin at take‑off, it begins long before, in the moments when you check the date on the itinerary against your child’s school calendar. When you imagine your partner juggling bedtime, dinner, homework, bath time, and goodnight stories … all without you. It’s the what if that creeps in. What if my toddler asks for me at 7 pm.? What if there’s an emergency? What if I’m missing something essential at home? And yet, here you are – because your career demands it, your ambition fuels it, and often, your family benefits from it too.
I write this, almost cathartically, as a reassurance for myself, but in the hope that other mums feel the same. Let’s start with this (I say to myself), feeling guilty doesn’t make you a bad mum, I would like to think that it means you care deeply and that you want to be present in every dimension of your life, your kids to your work. That tension is real, and it’s shared by countless mums who balance work travel with bedtime routines and school calendars. I, for one, deal with it if I miss a pick-up, let alone, travel. I just completed my longest trip away from my children. An entire week. It may not seem long but that’s 6 sleeps away. It felt liberating, mostly walking around the airport listening to an Audible story, with 20 minutes to nosey around duty free (an age-old guilty pleasure), even catch a movie (or 3) on the plane. But after day 3, I was itching to get back, wondering what I was missing. I still called back to remind those supporting me about pick up times, activities, don’t forget to pack a snack, meal plans, the daily mental load continued even whilst away. My days and nights were filled, almost crammed, with work, meetings, squeezing in a workout, meeting some friends and family. Despite the chaos at home that you often tire of, I strangely missed the chaos.
Psychologists who study work‑family guilt note that mothers experience intense emotional responses to leaving home for work because of how tightly family and identity are intertwined in motherhood. They compare situations, reframe them, compensate, and sometimes even adapt their work or parenting behaviour to manage these feelings. But guilt, in and of itself, doesn’t correlate with the quality of parenting or the wellbeing of your children. As was noted when I called home regularly and they ran around playing, laughing, screaming – normal modus operandi – their wellbeing was absolutely fine.
So, I reframed my mindset, the guilt is unhelpful internal noise. And the first step is acknowledging it, without judgement. I find that guilt often combines in two overlapping truths. One, you love your children intensely. Two, you also love your work and care about your professional growth. These truths can coexist. You can be a nurturing presence at home and an ambitious professional. You can miss your kids while also being glad for the change of scene. These feelings are not contradictions, they are the texture of real life. So its about rewriting the narrative. Is it argumentative to say, you’re not leaving, you’re contributing?
Before you board the plane, have a conversation with your family, not a perfunctory “I’ll miss you,” but a real dialogue. Explain why you’re traveling and what it means for you. Kids aren’t as fragile as we sometimes fear; when you give them clear, calm information, they often respond with curiosity and resilience. Talk to your partner too. Share your worries candidly and invite their perspective. Operate as a team. Be honest about what each of you needs to make the time away smoother, emotionally and logistically. I have mostly done bedtimes, and I worried about what they would look like, and what madness would pursue. But on my return, they were calm, they had eaten without tantrums, they asked for papa. I think they actually needed papa and that time was, in and of itself, worthwhile for his bonding.
While I travelled, I got creative. I sent small videos throughout the day from the airport or hotel, leaving little notes on the kitchen table for when they return from school. Time away let me rethink my time with them. I returned reinvigorated, not tired and frustrated. I returned full of new play ideas they’ll enjoy instead of exhausted from constantly packing away endless toys. It was good for me. And ultimately, it was good for them to have me back, better, fresher, excited.
Here’s a truth many seasoned traveling mums will tell you – the guilt doesn’t disappear with time, it evolves. Some trips you’ll wonder why you agreed to that client dinner the night you’re away. But sometimes, you’ll also relish a quiet shower, a long uninterrupted meal, or the rare chance to think your own thoughts. And as we often hear, your children learn from your example. When they grow up seeing their mum pursue her dreams, communicate honestly, and balance responsibilities with intention, they learn that women can be both loved and ambitious. In my opinion, as I raise both sons and a daughter, that’s a powerful lesson.
You don’t have to silence the guilt. You just have to learn to carry it with grace and know that, every time you step onto that plane, you’re doing your best. And that, above all, is more than enough.
Sheena founded Citizen Femme from a love of travel and writing. She is a true Londoner, having grown up in the City, and knows London well! She has made her passions, her living. Alongside Citizen Femme, Sheena consults brands on luxury travel and works as an actress on screen and theatre. Having spent her early 20s in New York, she has a real love for the City. Her favourite place is Florence and driving around Italy. She loves design, rustic and boutique hotels, interesting local stories and will travel to any destination to find this.
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